Dasi-Ziyad Family Institute

You’ve heard the old axiom:  “What are the three most important things in real estate? Location, Location, Location.”   Our question as family educators is:  What are the three most important things in Life? Relationships, Relationships, Relationships.  Your relationship with God or your creator, your relationship with family, friends and loved ones, and finally your relationship with your self.  Dasi-Ziyad Family Institute is dedicated to empowering individuals, couples and families with healthy relationship skills so that they will have healthy relationships in all spheres of their life.

As many of you have experienced, relationships can make or break us.  A devastating romance, a broken or betrayed friendship, a depressed state of mind or low sense of self-worth, all can wreak havoc with our sense of well-being and our hope for better things to come. Relationships with spouses, friends, parents, children, neighbors, etc. can be a source of strength and encouragement or a cause of anxiety and pain.  There are skills that people can learn and commitments that they can make to have healthier, stronger relationships.  That’s what the Dasi-Ziyad Family Institute is all about.

With this newsletter, we introduce two new columns, Dear Relationship Coach, where Certified Family Life Educators (CFLEs) from the Dasi-Ziyad Family Institute staff , will respond to questions from readers about a variety of relationship, parenting and family topics.  Send your questions to info@dzfi.org.  The other column is What’s Happening at DZFI?  where we keep you up to date about some of the current activities, projects and goals of Dasi-Ziyad Family Institute.

What’s Happening at DZFI ?

•  Cleveland’s First Hispanic Marriage Day! A wonderful collaboration of the Dasi-Ziyad Family Institute, Hispanic UMADAOP, and Cuyahoga County’s Strong Start program, with support from the Spanish American Committee, is coordinating the first ever Hispanic Marriage Day in Cleveland, OH.  Five Hispanic Couples will be inaugurated into the Cleveland Hispanic Hall of Fame, many other couples will reaffirm their marriage commitment in a beautiful celebration including entertainment, food and a keynote address by Luis & Edith Vazquez.  This event, free and open to the public, will take place in a beautiful setting, the Saigon Plaza, 5400 Detroit Avenue, Cleveland, OH on Sunday October 12, 2008 from 3-6 p.m.   To make this a first class celebration, we are asking for help from well-wishers and supporters.   Please go to the DZFI home page and donate.  Press button Under Help Contribute,  specify for the Hispanic Marriage Day.  (Some readers may remember that Dasi-Ziyad Family Institute coordinated the First Black Marriage Day in Cleveland in March, 2008).

• SELF (Singles Evaluating Life and Family) Healthy Relationship Course© will be offered in the Spring of 2009 in the  greater Cleveland, Ohio area.  Only a select group of individuals will be accepted for this in-depth, interactive and comprehensive training course.  This Self Healthy Relationship Course© will prepare unmarried individuals for healthy relationships.   For registration details, contact Ms. K. Dasi at 216-321-0930 or request registration information at contact@dzfi.org.

Dear Relationship Coach,

“My spouse had an affair which ripped at the core of the trust in our marriage and sent wave after wave of me questioning my own sense of self-worth.  He is repentant but this seems almost impossible to work through.  How do we get past this?  Is it even possible?”   Sincerely,
Dear Sincerely,
Sadly, many, many marriages are victimized by the infidelity of one or both spouses.  What most people don’t realize is that several marriages do endure beyond affairs.  Extramarital affairs happen in so-called good marriages as well as those that are seriously conflicted.  Sometimes, couples emerge from the trauma of such betrayal and become stronger. Indeed, some become more loving. Obviously, there is a great need for the qualities we have spoken about in the past that are part and parcel of a healthy, principle-centered marriage:  forgiveness, self-discipline, repentance, truthfulness, compassion, self-examination and commitment.

Time is the great healer; with both you and your husband committed to working to rise to a higher level marriage, moving beyond this affair is not only possible, but probable.  Generally, getting help from caring, professional marriage educators to assist in the forgiving process and the gradual healing that this entails, is crucial.   Causes for adultery vary but don’t necessarily indicate a lack of love for the spouse.  People who commit adultery do so because of weakness, lack of an identifiable moral commitment and/or dissatisfaction with who are what they are.

Research  indicates that a little less than 50% of men and about a quarter of women have admitted to  extramarital affairs. The Beyond Affairs Network (http://www.beyondaffairs.com/BAN_support_groups.htm.) is an excellent resource to further deal with this trauma.

Dear Relationship Coach:

We have a large extended family and a big house.  Generally, our house is open to friends and family members.  Recently, we’ve had incidences of theft (money and clothes) and found that children of some of our friends had taken items out of our children’s bedrooms!  It was a blow and disappointment.  How do we deal with this matter?    Disturbed

Dear Disturbed,

Use these incidences as teachable moments, where your immediate family learns and the children in the extended family learns.  Everything that happens to a conscious person should be a learning experience.  Relationships are dynamic, fluid and changing.   What ever you say or do should help your relationships change for the better.

• First, you should approach the adults (parents or caregivers of the children who have taken the items from your home).  If you are not sure who the offenders are, talk to the parents of all the children who had access to your home, inform them what was taken and ask them to kindly investigate to see if their children might be the culprit.

• Have a family meeting with your own children to discuss:   how your youngsters who are the victims are feeling, why taking things in someone else’s stewardship is not allowed, the spiritual, emotional and physical consequences of stealing, the importance of trust, etc.
• Then discuss things you can do to safeguard your home; perhaps it shouldn’t be so open.  Perhaps someone should be aware at all times where guests and visitors are.
• Even though you are disturbed by these incidents, take the opportunity to grow and help others grow.  It may be a good idea to have your child share with the child who betrayed your family’s trust; let the other child know just how his/her actions made your child feel.
• Finally, please share the outcome of your family’s “teachable moments” with us.