Dasi-Ziyad Family Institute

Posted: June 5th, 2008

Paraphrasing an ancient African proverb: “It takes a village to support a marriage or family.”

As contemporary families become increasingly nuclear and as individual pursuits are more and more highlighted, we lose the village concept of extended family and community that are so necessary to healthy family survival.

A few years ago, we attended a training workshop with a dear friend, a nurse who was beginning the rather long and tedious process of adopting a child. She was required to go through a series of trainings, background checks, character references, etc.

The facilitator began her workshop by asking a surprising question of her mixed audience: “What makes the difference between the people who lose their children and us in this room—let’s say a mother who loses her children to the system and another mother who, although going through similar challenges, is able to keep her children?”.

Hands shot up. “Drug addiction!” “Poverty!” “Abuse”, “Prison” were some of the responses to which the facilitator shook her head. “No,” she said, “those are not the differences, though they may contribute to dysfunction”. She continued, “There really is no difference except one. People fall on hard times and they have no one to turn
to and we do. We have resources. We have support systems. We have people that we can turn to when we have hard times. Those reasons you shouted out are not the ultimate reason—again, the reason why some people lose their children to the system and others don’t is: RESOURCES and/or SUPPORT SYSTEMS.”

As Co-directors of Dasi-Ziyad Family Institute, we are always on the lookout for resources for ourselves, for our clients and for our family. We too are aware that marriages and families need support. So, we attend conferences, facilitate workshops as well as participate in workshops. We scour the latest research findings, develop and participate in support groups, and educate couples and families how to support others.

For example, our “From Couple to Couple Curriculum© “ provides a proven relationship skill-building system and teaches healthy couples, who are willing to mentor others, how to support other couples and teach them healthy relationship skills.

Other activities such as Couple Retreats and workshops provide environments for couples to become aware of resources and to develop support systems amongst other couples seeking to grow. Dasi-Ziyad Family Institute has two upcoming retreats for such resource and support development: Saturday, June 21, 2008 and Saturday, July 26, 2008 both one day events from 9:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. Register for either retreat at www.dzfi.org.

This spring we have already attended a marriage and family conference in North Carolina. One primary focus was how to develop greater support for youth and how to educate them with practical relationship skills and commitments so that they can make healthy choices in their present and future relationships. We are on our way to Washington D.C. to present at the 10th Annual International Fatherhood Conference from June 10-13 and at the SmartMarriages Conference in July. Upon our return and settling, we will share with you, our readers, some of the newer resources available for strengthening marriages and families.

Take a moment to identify your support system: family members, mentors, neighbors, spiritual communities, agencies, friends, and other couples (if you are married), should be a part of a healthy support system, which provides instruction, guidance, acceptance, healthy recreational and social networks, validation, a “listening ear” and assistance (financial, childcare, transportation, etc).

One final thought, our grandmother used to always quote: “If you want a friend, you must first show yourself friendly”. As you appreciate the need for a support system, make sure you are a part of someone else’s.