“Forget about the other person, what qualities should I develop to attract a healthy relationship?” This question was sent in by one of our readers who indicated that he was:
• Tired of falling into the same of old patterns with his relationships and
• Wanted to become better skilled at communicating and resolving conflicts
“I want to get prepared,” he told us, “for a healthy, dynamic, spiritually rich relationship that would end in a loving marriage commitment. “I’m afraid,” he said, “because I am hard pressed to find examples of happy marriages in my circle. I’m scared. But I still believe it’s possible.”
So we’ll share with you some of the suggestions we gave to this very serious young man.
First, it is a fact that successful relationships are a direct consequence of personal commitment (connected with character), preparation, and learning of healthy relationship skills.
Having a strong, principled character is a prerequisite; it takes character for one to make a thoughtful consideration before making a commitment and then to honor one’s commitments with determination and creativity. Association with persons of high quality character will encourage our own character qualities, Qualities such as honesty, patience, forgiveness, and cooperation.
Why is it that we prepare for and get training for so many of the important things in our lives: employment and careers, driving motor vehicles, becoming a foster parent, swimming and other sports, speaking other languages, achieving and maintaining physical fitness, — while for what is arguably the most significant relationship in our lives (outside of with God) — we receive no preparation or training?
So we recommended that our inquisitive young man first work to clarify his own spiritual values and personal goals, then prepare for marriage by taking premarital skill-building courses or workshops.
Have a relationship question? ASK US and we’ll endeavor to respond in an upcoming newsletter.
(Dasi-Ziyad Family Institute has developed a Healthy Relationship Skill-building course for Singles – unmarried men and women who want to learn appropriate and comprehensive skills to prepare them for successful, principled marriages and other relationships. This course will be implemented in the greater Cleveland area later this year.)